Warring Soul

Inpenetrable, shadowed fog envelopes my soul
Chokes the lifeblood from its source.
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?*
Crouching down in misery I am folded in upon myself
A labyrinth of tangled emotions
My head is covered, eyes closed, ears blocked,
Heart stopped
How long will You hide your face from me?
Wave upon wave of thought crashing upon me,
Sorrow without warning
Unable to cry out, as if trapped in a dream,
Incapable of forming words, like a toddler,
Stagnant: physically, emotionally, spiritually,
One indecipherable mass
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
swirling throngs of my own jealousy, stubbornness, and malcontent
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes; or
my enemy will say, "I have overcome her," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
Why can I not muster the faith to say......
I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.

*from Psalm 13
************************************************************************************************** The Waiting Room by Shane and Shane

I will run when I cannot walk
I will sing when there is no song
I will pray when there is no prayer
I will listen when I cannot hear

Sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice I know;
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord I know if I change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so I sit in the waiting room of silence
cause it's all about You

I will fight when I cannot feel
I will trust when You don't seem real
I will tell when I cannot speak
I will step when I cannot see

Lord I know if I change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so I sit in the waiting room of silence

cause I'm in love with You