Surrender

I struggle with this issue. Surrender. Completely giving over to Someone more capable than I, giving up what I think is best or what I know to be most comfortable. As Nancy Leigh DeMoss puts it in her book I am currently reading (see sidebar) "a surrendered life [means to] continually say no to self and yes to God." I am a miserable failure at this. I constantly revert back to relying on my own judgment, senses, feelings, comfort level, desires. In short, my own will. I experience time and again, due to my resistance to surrender, barriers in my fellowship with God, as DeMoss puts it, and I know that I am missing out on the truly abundant life that God has planned for me. The human brain is truly a puzzle. I recognize that things always ALWAYS go better for me and those around me when I am obedient to God's will, yet I still stubbornly refuse to follow it in many instances and choose instead to experience the consequences of my disobedience. I guess it gives me greater empathy for my children and their poor decision-making skills right now. But oh, how I desire to grow beyond the childhood of my spiritual journey.
Father God - Break me. Mold me. It's frightening to pray that knowing how much I don't know about the future and your ways. But I am tired of fear. I lay down my fear at your gracious and loving feet, knowing that any path I choose to take which you have already chosen for me holds nothing but great promise, abundant life, and the secure promise that you are with me.