So tonight I took a small detour home and drove through my "dream suburb", the place where I would most like to live, and I gawked at the houses I'd love to live in and coveted wildly. I felt an uneasiness as I did this, a feeling I've felt before when I ponder the nice, neatly packaged life I'd love to have. Living in the house of my dreams, in a beautiful suburb with the beautiful people, with elegant cars in the 3-stall garage (because of course J would need to have a space for his tools and toys) and plenty of money to go around. It's not unheard of in the areas that I live and work; lots of people have achieved this (or at least give off the appearance of having done so). So it often does not feel out of my league to desire this. However, as I mentioned above, an unsettled feeling fills my gut when I dream this way. And tonight, as I drove down the neatly cared-for streets of Downers Grove it struck me that God may never have that life in store for me. Oh sure, in my head I've realized this a million times over, but truly in my heart I've still thought that it could be in the cards for me. And, quite honestly, it could be. But perhaps God has me right where he wants me. In a house that is more than adequate for our needs, in a "slightly" less affluent town with the working class people, and very nice, well-running cars in our one-stall garage (which, come winter, we will fight over). Perhaps God knows that if I move into this dream life I won't feel the need to rely on Him quite as heavily, I won't be kept humble by having way more than I need (which in many respects is already the case). God might have a mission for me right where I am that would not be accomplished or noticed in DG or any other place for that matter. He could have incredible plans for me in the life I already have and instead I waste precious minutes and energy looking forward to the life I possibly could have but probably won't. This is not to say that I can't want to move "up" in the world or that I think it's wrong to dream about a little nicer house in a little nicer neighborhood. But how much more well-spent would my thoughts and actions be putting energy into the life I have? Lord, you have blessed me richly. Forgive my selfish, discontented heart. Teach me to number my days aright that I may gain a heart of wisdom (Ps. 90:12).
Random side note!!! My hubby and I have talked before about how you often don't recognize the character traits in yourself that could use improvement, shall we say? Or, in other words, that might totally rub people the wrong way. I think I have recognized one in myself: I have a tendency to make short stories verrrrry long. I have a penchant for adding way too much detail. Just interesting, I thought. We'll see if I recognize it enough to change....smile.
2 comments:
Julie, I think this is the natural tendancy and we all struggle with this. Kind of funny, as Jon and I have thought and prayed over our house situation, the one thing that I kept wrestling with is what are people going to think if we decide to build a house rather than buy one. I was really concerned that people would think of us as being materialistic or "trying to keep up with the Jones'." But the question God kept drawing me back to was "am I content with where we are and what we have at this moment and how would I feel if it were all taken away." It is so easy to get caught up in the materialism of the world and so hard to remember that at any moment it could all be gone. I think its okay to want nice things as long as we aren't consumed by them. But its also important to remember that God has each of us where we are for a reason and to fulfill a specific purpose and we need to be content whatever that may be.
Sorry, this was more like a sermon than a comment. As you can see, your thoughts are ones that I have felt and struggled with also.
Melissa
No, I love the sermons, too. :) Any food for thought is good for me. You hit the nail on the head with the word, contentment. I'm challenged with that so much. It's a daily struggle but one that, with God's help, I want to conquer. I am so excited about your house! I haven't emailed you back on that yet I don't think, but that is so exciting. Keep us posted on the progress.
We love you and appreciate all the stuff you keep sending regarding Jon.
love, me
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