Humble home

So tonight I took a small detour home and drove through my "dream suburb", the place where I would most like to live, and I gawked at the houses I'd love to live in and coveted wildly. I felt an uneasiness as I did this, a feeling I've felt before when I ponder the nice, neatly packaged life I'd love to have. Living in the house of my dreams, in a beautiful suburb with the beautiful people, with elegant cars in the 3-stall garage (because of course J would need to have a space for his tools and toys) and plenty of money to go around. It's not unheard of in the areas that I live and work; lots of people have achieved this (or at least give off the appearance of having done so). So it often does not feel out of my league to desire this. However, as I mentioned above, an unsettled feeling fills my gut when I dream this way. And tonight, as I drove down the neatly cared-for streets of Downers Grove it struck me that God may never have that life in store for me. Oh sure, in my head I've realized this a million times over, but truly in my heart I've still thought that it could be in the cards for me. And, quite honestly, it could be. But perhaps God has me right where he wants me. In a house that is more than adequate for our needs, in a "slightly" less affluent town with the working class people, and very nice, well-running cars in our one-stall garage (which, come winter, we will fight over). Perhaps God knows that if I move into this dream life I won't feel the need to rely on Him quite as heavily, I won't be kept humble by having way more than I need (which in many respects is already the case). God might have a mission for me right where I am that would not be accomplished or noticed in DG or any other place for that matter. He could have incredible plans for me in the life I already have and instead I waste precious minutes and energy looking forward to the life I possibly could have but probably won't. This is not to say that I can't want to move "up" in the world or that I think it's wrong to dream about a little nicer house in a little nicer neighborhood. But how much more well-spent would my thoughts and actions be putting energy into the life I have? Lord, you have blessed me richly. Forgive my selfish, discontented heart. Teach me to number my days aright that I may gain a heart of wisdom (Ps. 90:12).

Random side note!!! My hubby and I have talked before about how you often don't recognize the character traits in yourself that could use improvement, shall we say? Or, in other words, that might totally rub people the wrong way. I think I have recognized one in myself: I have a tendency to make short stories verrrrry long. I have a penchant for adding way too much detail. Just interesting, I thought. We'll see if I recognize it enough to change....smile.

Surviving and Thriving

Well, I have survived almost a full month of being back at school, which also means a full month of being a working mom and wife. I cannot believe how different teaching is this time around. I actually love it! Before, people would ask, and I would say, oh yes I love my job. What a crock. I dreaded it everyday. Well, not everyday, but alot. And now it is so rewarding! But it is also so challenging. This first month has been great but now suddenly the dread of how much time I'm spending away from son and how that will affect him is setting in. I don't know. It has been so wonderful and yet today my heart is heavy. And I know it has more to do with circumstances outside of my work life but that peace I am so intent on pursuing is missing today. I suppose that means I'm not whole-heartedly pursuing it then. Lord knows my spiritual life has taken a back seat to all other things and that is, of course, when my engine is running on empty. I should not question feeling weary and worn down when I am not fully plugged in to the Source of Life. I really long to thrive in and not just survive these days. I desire to live them to the fullest but there is so much demanded of me in so many areas of my life that I don't necessarily feel like I do any of it adequately. Which lends itself to the point my ever-wise hubby made about the fact that men may not be able to multi-task but, darn it, when they're doing only one thing they do it WELL. :) (so true for you, honey, so true) I think that is true for me. I try to do a lot of things and I desire to do them well (truthfully, I desire to do them perfectly) and it's just not humanly possible. I started out the school year with such an attitude of, I'm only going to do what it is possible for me to do in a day and only with God's help, but more and more I find myself reverting back to my ingrained mindset of doing it all and doing it without flaw....or assistance. That insults God, I think, that I should try to bear the weight of my life on my own shoulders and without His help. That proves nothing to Him, only that I am still a weak and stubborn child, limping along on my own. And so I give you this life yet again, Lord, and ask that you make it yours and not my own. Whatever comforts I am clinging to, break me of them, and whatever merits I may foolishly give myself, humble me with the truth...Your truth.