I'm a parent?!!! Aack!

Ok, so VERY randomly I stumbled across a TON of my old students' myspace.com pages. It was at least a 60 minute experience that brought me through the great labryinth of "so-and-so's Friends". What did I learn out of this hour of my life? I must PRAY LIKE CRAZY for my children. Oy ve. In a way I am soooo tempted to send an anonymous note to each parent including the link to their child's site. I am hard pressed to believe that these kids are posting any of these blogs, messages, songs with their parents knowledge much less approval. Of course, what good would that do really? It is, I suppose, the 21st century way for them to express themselves, connect, discover who they are. It's scary though. The things that are going on and mostly in a Christian school. And it's eye-opening to me to see them put in their profiles that they are Christians and love God and then to see some of the profanities/sexual innuendos/references to parties that go into their chat time. I guess what' most eye-opening is the flashback I get to my own teen years (the late ones in particular as I was stuck in geekdom for much of the early ones....well, it's debatable that I'm still stuck there depending who you talk to). I may not have been on the party scene but I partook in many other conversations/activities that God no doubt frowned upon. The outside observer most certainly would have heard my claims to be a Christian, aka Christ-like, and looked at my walk and guffawed loudly before turning away convinced that Christianity is a hoax. The thing is I know many of these kids have been raised in the same environment I was: loving, Christian, with all the opportunity that anyone could want available to live and grow under the knowledge of God's love. So, parents, where are we going wrong? Why is it we fail to truly turn out kids who have that head AND heart knowledge of Christ and are able to live it out daily? I'll tell you why: sinful human nature. Each of us is born with a will. I'll tell you why else: hormones, baby. We all go through those years of trial and error, drifting, discovering, questioning. I don't know what the answer is but I know that it's not chuckling and shaking the head at those crazy kids who just need to work those things out of their system. I know that up until recently I thought that all teens just need to go through that time of wandering away and trying other things, but as a parent myself now, I'm not so sure. Isn't there a better way for a child to grow and learn about themselves and the world? Why must it be so status quo that all kids, whether in high school or college will "sow their wild oats"? That doesn't fly with me anymore. But like I said, I don't know what the answer is. I just know the only step we can truly take is to PRAY. And wait for God's guidance. Flying solo is not an option. Depending on our own wise words (sha, as if) or experiences will not cut it. And it is of course not (most of the time) the parents' fault. But what I want to know is, what can we as parents do to open our children's eyes to who God truly is and who they are as His so that they don't desire to go down these paths? Erg, I'm not making any sense anymore (it's midnight, what do you want from me?).

Hope

Well, it's official. Pastor and K are gone from our lives....at least from the everyday life of our church, hopefully not from the rest of my life. However, I'm not experiencing a feeling of letdown or anger like I thought I would. I have a renewed sense of hope. Hope for P and K since they have received this fresh start for themselves and their families and are looking forward to that. Hope for our congregation because we have the opportunity to work through some issues with professional guidance and hopefully move forward with a new sense of purpose and unity. The next year is filled with limitless possibilities and I just have to believe that God's positive will outweigh our human negative. Praise God for always bringing hope in the midst of bleak situations.
So...school starts in a week and a half. It's totally surreal. I can't even wrap my brain around the fact that I will soon be a full time working mom. A teeny tiny part of me, deep down, still sometimes says "What the heck are you doing??". But most of me is SO excited for the chance I have to be a part of my school's community again, and to have the opportunity that I do to influence the kids who walk into my life, to genuinely care for and instruct them. But if I'm being honest I also have a sense of sadness that my life will be so different than it's been the past year with all the time I've had to spend with my son. My life will be so different from that of SO many of my friends. But I guess if I look at the glass half full, my life will also be more like others of my friends, and at least I have people to lean on who know what this world is like. And let's face it, having my entire summer off next year? Awesome. The breaks that come at Christmas and spring break and all the ones in between? Fabulous. The extra money coming in and insurance? Priceless. So all in all, when I look at all of the above paragraph, I am truly blessed to have been given the job that I have. And I think that this time around I won't look at it as a job, but more as a calling that God has blessed me with.

True Peace

Lord, I would be so naive to think that I have achieved permanent true peace in my life, but to what else can I attribute such calm when my dad has been through trial by motorcycle, my husband was in a car accident that should very well have taken his life, and my brother is headed off to war? I can't even begin to explain why I am not losing it emotionally (as I do normally in these situations) except to say that it is your Holy Spirit blessing me with your peace that passes all understanding. And all I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you. I have seen you work so miraculously in my loved ones, bringing healing and protection, and I pray you would help me to continue clinging to you in the midst of life's storms.
So.....my hubby and I were pondering the other day why it is that we wait for some great tragedy to happen before we tell the people so dear to us in our life what they truly mean to us. Why is it that we don't just reach out and express to those around us how they have touched our lives? Why must we reach pivotal moments of good-bye before we feel compelled to open ourselves up? For my smallll audience reading this :) I hope that you truly know the ways in which you have touched my life. I don't think that each of you does. But I am embarking on a new "project", wherein the goal is to NOT wait until a crucial, terrible moment before you know how my life is enriched by knowing you. Hmmm..stay tuned for that. ;)