Trials

I just finished reading the most amazing story: In the Presence of My Enemies. It's the story of Martin and Gracia Burnham, missionaries in the Philippines, who were kidnapped by the Abu Sayyaf (extremist Muslim group) in 2001 and were held hostage for a year. The tale of what they had to endure is of course, unthinkable, but what is so amazing about the story is the faith with which Martin and Gracia faced this unthinkable situation. Naturally, there were times in that year when they faced a crisis of faith, wondering where God was in the midst of this situation and what he was doing. But they way they continually turned to Him, time and again, daily, moment-by-moment...... it is inspiring, which, to put it that way almost minimizes it.
Why is it that we must face a trial in our lives, a crisis of faith if you will, before we will truly turn to the Lord and acknowlege Him as Lord of our lives: of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Even Gracia talks about how quickly she felt her attitudes and reliance on prayer changing as soon as she was back on safe ground. It seems so inevitable that when we're comfortable, we simply do not sense our need for the Lord and therefore do not work at that relationship. I was so challenged through this book to pursue God passionately, to pray about EVERYTHING, all the time. The Burnhams' story is tough to take, though. It begs that scary and unanswerable question: why? Why does the story end the way it does? Why did God not deliver them sooner? I was left so unsettled, until this passage was pointed out: Deut. 29:29 "The secret things belong to the Lord our God" and Isaiah 55:8 & 9 - "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." This would all be infuriating if it didn't bring such....you got it.....peace. Why do we run ourselves ragged trying to know all the ins and outs of every single stinking situation in our lives! Our puny, human brains cannot even begin to comprehend the big picture the way God can. I believe God wants us to ask the hard questions, but I do not believe that "Why" is one of them. Our peace needs to come from knowing that we are not in charge and don't have to be, that we are on a need to know basis and sometimes we just do not need to know. I hope this knowledge is stored in my heart for when I need it b/c, let's face it, I have faced very small crisis' in my life (well, small in the grand scheme of things). There will come a day when, although I doubt I will have to survive a year in the jungle as a Muslim hostage, I will indeed have to face pain, difficulty, the valleys of life. And when the rubber meets the road, do I have what it takes to rely on no one but the Lord to pull me through? The crappy part of that question is that the answer can only come when you're thrust onto the battlefield.
I re-read my question above: Why must we face a crisis of faith before we truly turn to the Lord? and I think of the analogy of refined silver or gold. I found this story that sums it up:
There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi. As they were studying chapter three, they came cross verse three which says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what his statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study.
That week this woman called up a silver smith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest so as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot -- then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver. She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it."

In order for us to be purified we must be subjected to some of the hottest flames. Sometimes when we are just lumps sitting around we're not forced to get rid of some of those impurities. In a way, it almost takes more work to be refined without the flames and having anything pushing us to change.
Anyway, this is all probably very easy for me to expound upon since any fires in my life are currently smoldering embers, not enough to get me bubbling and expanding. I pray, Lord, for the strength to step out of my comfort zone each day and walk more in your holy ways. Grow in me the Fruit of your Spirit through my daily walk through this life.