Pursuing...what??

So, perhaps my blog title warrants a little explanation. When I say that I am in pursuit, it is a pursuit that, by and large, I hope never meets its end. And when I say peace, I'm not talking "hey man, let's all just get along and stop all these pesky wars" -type peace. What I'm talking about is a peace that passes all human understanding. A peace that penetrates to the very core of my soul throughout all facets of my life. Because, guess what? Wars will always happen. And we won't always just get along. There will always be those people that crawl under my skin and fester there like a fungus. What I am pursuing is a peace that will calm the storms within me in the midst of those times when I am falling apart and so is the world around me. A peace that tempers my righteous indignation. The peace that Jesus was talking about when he said "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)
And so I don't want this quest for peace to end. I always want to be chasing a step further this element that has proven itself so elusive in our culture. Everyday I come in contact with or read about or see evidence on the news of people who are searching in every nook, cranny, and cultural cesspool to fill a void that is left by this absent peace.
Today, I am chasing this peace through the battle raging in our church. Pastor and K are officially leaving. And I am fighting through my anger and bitterness over the situations and people that drove them to this decision, to reach the peace at the other side. I am just so tired. I am tired of the small-mindedness and the resistance to change. I am so tired of witnessing an "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" attitude that people have about their spiritual life. I know it's not fair to say that even most people there have this attitude but it sure does seem like a large number who are the most vocal (or maybe it's just that they're the most draining). By and large, the leadership in our church (aside from the 2 that are leaving) remind me of kids with a bike. And this bike has flat tires. So these kids pull out their bike to show to their friends and they like to talk about what the bike could do. Sure they'll move the bike: into the driveway, around to the side of their house. But the simple fact remains that the bike is not in motion! It's not going anywhere! It's still just sitting where it began. And they refuse to fix or renew these dumb tires! I don't know if that analogy even makes the remotest bit of sense. But what I'm getting at is this: to be content with where you are spiritually, to fear changing something or moving it forward beacause of unfamiliar territory and therefore staying put, to not even acknowledge that we're called to continue moving and changing and growing spiritually speaks to me of far greater problems. The church order is consulted more to help sort out issues than is the Bible or seeking the movement of the Holy Spirit through prayer. Does no one else see this as a problem?! maybe I'm being unfair. Maybe I'm dealing with people who have no knowledge of what it means to follow the leading of the Spirit or who have never had modeled for them what it means to pursue God relentlessly and never be satisfied spiritually. And we can all relate to that twinge of discomfort that change brings. I am just frustrated that people expect to be catered to and, darn it, if they don't want to change then you'd better not either. My concern now is this: the bomb has been dropped. P and K are leaving. But you know, Hurricane Katrina was not directly what caused all the damage to the Southeast last year. It was the aftermath that destroyed and tore down. I fear that an attitude will develop that is best summed up in this quote I found on my dear Shining Jewel's blog: "It seems easier to act as though differences don't exist and to hope things will work out than it is to face the differences and work together to arrive at a mutually agreeable set of expectations." I shudder to think that the issues surrounding P and K's departure will never be brought to light adn dealt with and we'll forever get caught in this cycle of miscommunication adn pretending everything is hunky-dory when it's not. I fear that no one will want to do the hard and rewarding work of fighting through this together wtih much prayer and humility.
And here I sit on my high horse. Lord, remind me that "Blessed are the peacemakers" and that "as much as it is up to [me I must] be at peace with everyone."