Daily Habit

"Daily life is woven together with the threads of habit , and no habit is more important to our spiritual health than the discipline of daily prayer and devotion to the Creator."

Throughout my life, when I have experienced times of unrest, dissatisfaction, joylessness, discontent, there is a commonality that runs through: my lack of time spent at the feet of the Lord and Savior of my life. I constantly give in to the "pressing" needs of day-to-day life over and above this most important of all needs, the filling of my soul with His presence, wisdom, and peace. Throughout this year it was my goal to seek out God's wisdom and to surrender to Him, and though I have grown in this area of seeking Him in my life, it has been sporadic, rather than steady and continuous. If you could graph it, it would probably end up looking like a mountain range with all the peaks and valleys. There are still areas of my life that I hold back from Him and too many times when I seek my own "wisdom" or that of this world before His. And it's no wonder when I do not daily carve out time for Him to speak to me, to move in me.
Why this is the area of greatest struggle for me, I'll never know. It all comes down to choices and creating that daily habit.  Heaven knows I've made room for the habits of Facebook, eating, and watching television .
This year has seen many areas of discipline, change and growth: our screen time habits, eating habits, where we give our time and energy. And yet this area continues to fall short. This area which touches every other in my life.
It's almost time to move into 2013. While I don't know what God has in store for me the rest of this year, I know that I want to move WITH Him rather than against or away from. And that all begins with a simple choice...

"Stress can be an addiction and worry can be our lunge for control and we forget the answer to this moment is always yes because of Christ." - Ann Voskamp

Addicted to worry.  Lunging for control.  Why the struggle? The fight against surrender? Why is my first reaction still to rush to anxiety and anger?
Breathe in.
Give me wisdom from you, Father.
Breathe out.
I surrender to you.

Good Friday

"O God, you sent Christ Jesus to be my shepherd and the lamb of sacrifice. Help me to embrace the mystery of salvation, the promise of life rising out of death. Help me to hear the call of Christ and give me the courage to follow it readily that I, too, may lead others to you. This I ask through Jesus, my shepherd and guide."
~From The Divine Hours

Surrender (Part 2)

"...there can be no peace with God, nor can there be peace in our hearts

apart from unconditional surrender." - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Well. This blog has been glaringly empty of new posts, hasn't it? There are times when I feel the same about my soul. Not that God isn't there. He always, always is. But I turn tail and run from Him altogether too often. And I have been decidedly peace-free as of late. Which brings me to the quote above and to the title of my post. You can read here about my struggle with this idea of surrender. Look at that - it was a year and a half ago that I wrote that! Egads. You can also read here about the big ideas I had to try and work on this area of my life in 2011. Spoiler alert! Didn't happen. I ran harder and faster in the opposite direction in some ways. It's not that I openly rebel. It's more of a passive-aggressive rebellion where I just simply refuse to stop and listen, where I am ruled by my fears and wants. What I forget time and again is that this world is not my home. Rather, I burrow down deeper into the false comforts and temporary treasures that are offered to me here. I decide, when faced with decisions or stresses, that I know best. Especially when I sit down and open the Word and read words like "prisoner"* and "sacrifice"** or phrases like "carry your cross"*** or "thorn in the flesh"****. It sounds hard. And unpleasant. And controlling. But then I am reminded of this:

"To surrender to the Creator's control is not onerous or burdensome;

it is, in fact, the place of blessing, fullness, and peace."

or this:

"As long as we refuse to surrender our will to the will of God, we are never truly free.

Rather, we find ourselves dominated by ungodly appetites and forces.

You won't bow to [God's] will in relation to your marriage, your morals, your attitudes, your tongue, your eating habits, your spending habits, or the way you spend your time? Then count on it - the very points on which you refuse to surrender will become "enemies" that rule over you."

Both of these are taken from that awesome book I read a year and a half ago entitled (you guessed it) Surrender. It's by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I highly recommend as you'll see over to the right there.

These sentences strike a chord in me which leads me to acknowledge their truth.

Dear God, I don't want to enter into 2013 in this same place. My heart longs for the abundant life you came to give, but my head gets all screwy and twisted-up what that actually looks like.

I am weary of calling the shots and weary of giving in to life as I want it to look like. It is scary to surrender. I pray you would bestow me with the trust I lack. Day by day, moment by moment, decision by decision.

"If there is anything holding you back,

or any sacrifice you are afraid of making,

come to God and prove how gracious your God is.

Never be afraid that he will command from you what He will not bestow!

God comes and offers to work this absolute surrender in you."

- Andrew Murray

*Ephesians 4:1

** Romans 12:1, 1 Peter 2:5

*** Matthew 10:38, 16:24

**** 2 Corinthians 12:7